By Dr. Christine Powell, ADHD Coach, Executive Functioning Specialist, Educator, and Mom

I’ve spent two decades studying the ADHD brain. As a mom of a child with ADHD, I’ve lived the 7:00 AM panic over a lost shoe and the 11:00 PM meltdown over a missed chemistry lab. I know the bone-deep instinct to step in, to text the reminder, and to “just fix it” so they don’t fail.

But as we look at our high school juniors and seniors, we have to face a hard truth: The help we give them today might be the hurdle they trip over tomorrow. But as we look at our high school juniors and seniors, we have to face a hard truth: If we don’t allow them to take ownership now, they won’t magically develop it the day they move out.

When we micromanage their schedules, we aren’t just helping them stay organized, we are acting as their external prefrontal cortex. If we don’t retire from that role while they are still under our roof, they will enter college or head off to work without the internal systems required to function independently.

This is the time to let them feel the weight of their own decisions while the stakes are still manageable. Giving them space to struggle now, while you are still there to provide a safety net, is the most effective way to ensure they are prepared for the world. Here are seven ways to help you, help them:

1. The “Texting Detox”

Many parents send way too many texts: “Did you turn in the essay?” “Don’t forget practice.” “Pack your lunch.” This teaches the ADHD brain to wait for an external ping rather than developing an internal one.

• The Shift: Stop the proactive reminders. Instead, ask them in the morning: “What’s your plan for managing your deadlines today?” If they forget, let them face the natural consequence while you are there to help them process the aftermath.

2. Implement the “Sunday Strategy” Session

In the real world, successful adults with ADHD use systems, not memory.

• The Shift: Sit down for 15 minutes every Sunday. Let them lead. Ask, “What does your week look like?” and “Where do you see a potential bottleneck?” Your role is to listen and ask clarifying questions, not to fill in their calendar for them.

3. Hand Over Admin Work

By junior year, a student should be practicing the “boring” stuff that keeps life moving.

• The Shift: Have them manage their own laundry, call the coach about a missed practice, or call (with you present) to schedule their own doctor appointments. These are low-stakes executive functioning “reps” that build confidence.

4. Practice “Productive Failure”

It is agonizing to watch your senior realize at 10:00 PM that they missed a deadline. Our instinct is to email the teacher. Don’t.

• The Shift: Let them fail the assignment. Then, as a consultant, help them draft the email to the teacher to ask for an extension or a make-up. The growth happens in the recovery, not the rescue.

5. Transition to a “Consultant” Mindset

When your child comes to you with a problem, stop giving the answer immediately.

• The Shift: Use the magic phrase: “That sounds like a challenge. How are you thinking of handling it?” This forces them to engage their problem-solving circuitry instead of just following your instructions.

6. Budgeting Lessons Early On

ADHD teens often struggle with the executive function of financial planning.

• The Shift: Give them a set monthly or weekly allowance for “extras” (gas, outings, snacks). If they spend it all on Monday, they stay home on Friday. Learning the “pain” of a zero-balance bank account is much safer at 17 than at 22.

7. Build the “Off-Ramp” Together

Graduation shouldn’t be a cliff; it should be an off-ramp.

• The Shift: Ask your teen, “What is one thing I currently do for you that you feel ready to take over?” It might be waking themselves up or managing their medication refills. Start small, celebrate the independence, and resist the urge to step back in when things get messy.

One final thought from parent to parent: Our goal isn’t to send a “perfect” student into the world; it’s to send a “prepared” one. A student who knows how to fall and, more importantly, knows they have the tools to get back up. If you’re interested, take this free executive functioning questionnaire to gain personal insite.

If you found this helpful, please pass it on. Thx, Christine🧩