By Dr. Christine Powell, Education Therapist & ADHD Coach

The buffer month is gone. We are now staring down the barrel of peak holiday intensity

Reality slapped me in the face recently, throwing me right back to a Christmas about ten years ago.

I had been masking for three days straight at an extended family holiday event, holding myself together with sheer willpower, caffeine, and anxiety.We were finally driving home, escaping the noise and lights. When a family member made a totally neutral, innocuous comment about the schedule for the next day.

I exploded.

It was a full blown, adult meltdown over absolutely nothing. Tears, yelling, the works. I was not angry at the person. But my cognitive battery was sitting at negative ten percent. I had zero emotional regulation left in the tank.

Before I understood my brain, I thought the holidays were a test of my patience. Now I know better. The holiday season is basically a sensory nightmare designed to break our executive functions. It is loud, bright, unstructured, and full of social landmines.

Now, I survive December by aggressively lowering the bar and proactively regulating.

To get through a recent six hour holiday open house, I had a plan. I decided on our departure time before we even walked in the door. I created a mental roster of individuals that I wanted to touch base with, and ones I did not. And yes, I slid into the host’s bathroom for 5 minutes to rest my brain and recalibrate.

That is not being antisocial. That is what actual executive function regulation looks like in the wild.
Here is your quick and dirty survival kit for my ADHD Unhinged 7th Edition.

For us adults

1. Pre game your dopamine. Do a hard workout or blast your favorite playlist before going to the party. If you go in understimulated, your brain will seek stimulation in unhelpful ways later, like getting tiggered by a comment that fell flat or eating four pounds of cheese/onion dip (my favorite treat at these functions).

2. Master your retreat. You do not need permission to leave a room. Go seek silence in a bedroom, outside, or sit in your car. Five minutes of silence can reset your entire nervous system.

3. Embrace imperfection. ADHD brains crave grandiosity; we want the perfect tree and the perfect meal. Stop it. Pick one single holiday thing you actually care about doing well and aggressively lower the bar on the rest. “Good enough” is a victory, especially if it means you actually get it done, and bonus points if you minimize the anxiety around the task.

For our kids (with or without a neurodiverse diagnosis)

1. Frontload everything. Anxiety thrives on uncertainty. Before you leave the house, tell them exactly who will be there, what it will smell like, and when you are leaving. Give them a secret signal they can use to tell you they are done.

2. Create a ‘rescue bag’ and make this non-negotiable. Do not leave the house without working together to grab some essentials: noise-canceling earplugs or headphones, chewing gum for oral regulation, and comfort items (plush toys or squishy items). Be proactive with sensory input before the meltdown happens.

3. Connection over correction. When they lose it at the holiday dinner table, they are not being bad. Their nervous system is fried, just like mine was in that car ten years ago. Do not yell. Whisper. Get on their level, validate that it is overwhelming, and physically remove them from the chaos for a reset.

Stop trying to have a Hallmark movie holiday. It is about giving our brains the grace and structure they need so we do not burn out before New Year’s.

If you need individualized backup this season, reach out to me at learningbyconnecting.com.

Until next time, stay unhinged and unstoppable! Christine 🧩