By Dr. Christine Powell, ADHD and Executive Functioning Coach

I was recently walking through a school hallway with a principal. She’s a veteran educator who knows her building and staff. She paused, looked toward a row of classrooms, and turned to me with worry in her eyes.

Christine,” she shared, “I’m looking at my staff, and I can see at least three teachers right now who are just drowning. It’s not that they don’t care. They care deeply. It’s the logistics. Their desks are buried, their transitions are chaotic, and they can’t find their rhythm. If the adults are struggling to model organization, how can we possibly expect the students to learn it?”

She had pinpointed the “missing link” in how we raise and educate our kids today. We push hard for rigorous math and reading standards, but we often overlook the biological foundation that allows a child to actually engage with those subjects.

Your Child’s Brain Needs an “Air Traffic Controller”

As parents, it is so natural to focus on the grades. But research from Harvard University tells us that the true predictor of your child’s future, their career stability, their health, their happiness, isn’t their IQ. It is their Executive Functioning.

Think of the brain like a busy airport. Executive functions are the Air Traffic Control tower. Just as an airport needs a tower to manage arrivals and departures to avoid a crash, your child’s brain needs these skills to filter distractions, manage big feelings, and prioritize what to do next. When the tower is understaffed, planes crash, even if the pilots are excellent.

The “Modeling Gap”: Why Your Child is Watching You

Children don’t learn how to manage their lives by listening to a lecture. They learn through co-regulation and modeling. They are constantly watching how we, the adults, handle stress and organize our chaos.

When the adults in a child’s life are overwhelmed, the child loses their blueprint. To raise an effective human, we need to understand the 9 critical skills they need to see in action:

*Response Inhibition: The ability to pause and think before acting.

*Working Memory: Holding information in your head while using it.

*Emotional Control: Managing big feelings to keep moving forward.

*Flexibility: Being able to pivot when “Plan A” doesn’t work.

*Sustained Attention: Staying focused even when the world is noisy.

*Task Initiation: The ability to just start, even when the task looks hard.

*Planning/Prioritization: Seeing the steps needed to reach the finish line.

*Organization: Keeping track of the physical “stuff” (backpacks, papers) and mental “stuff.”

*Metacognition: The ability to step back and ask, “How is this working for me?”

Why Bright Kids Get Lost

We often fall into the trap of thinking these skills are innate. The thinking that kids will just “pick them up” as they get taller, older, and gather experiences. But for many children, especially our neurodiverse learners, this is a dangerous assumption.

Without explicit teaching, these students aren’t just messy, they are overwhelmed. These are the bright kids who get labeled “lazy” or “unmotivated.” But here is the truth: They are not lazy. They are paralyzed because they lack the skill to start. We are judging their performance without ever teaching them the process.

4 Ways to Build the “Hidden Curriculum” at Home

If we want to protect our children’s self-esteem and support their developing brains, we have to move from judging to coaching. Here is where we start:

It Starts at Home: Become the Model

Children learn from our actions more than our words, so we have to make the invisible work of executive functioning visible by narrating our internal monologue. Instead of silently managing your day, talk through your planning and problem-solving out loud. Seriously, whether it’s strategizing a busy calendar, organizing a cluttered drawer, or weighing the pros and cons of a scheduling conflict. By explicitly talking out loud about how and why you navigate these choices, you move beyond simply giving orders and provide a concrete blueprint for your child to organize their own learning. Make the Invisible Visible . Time and organization are abstract concepts. For a child with weak executive function, we have to make these concepts concrete. Don’t just say “Hurry up.” Use a visual timer so they can see time passing. Don’t just say “Clean up.” Use clear bins with labels and checklists. By putting these tools in the physical world, you take the pressure off their developing internal “control tower.” 3. Change Your Language: “Skill” vs. “Will” . This is the most powerful shift you can make. Stop asking, “Why won’t you do this?” and start asking, “What skill is getting in your way?” This removes the shame. It tells your child, “I am on your team, and we are going to figure out this puzzle together.”

4. Value the Strategy Over the Grade. A student who knows how to plan can eventually learn anything. Focus less on the A+ on the history test, and more on the system they used to study for it. Did they break it down? Did they manage their time? That process is the real victory.

The Bottom Line: It is time to recognize that executive functioning isn’t a “soft skill”. It is the very architecture of a successful life.

If you found this helpful, share it with others. Together, we can change the conversation from what our children are learning to how they are equipped to succeed.